Small Blessings Blog

My 40 Day Blessing experience

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Thursday, August 22, 2019


My 40 Day Blessing experience 

3 children under 5 and more peaceful and restful than I had ever felt!

Me reading in Foods for Health and Healing, planning what I would like to ask to have cooked for me next :-)

Living in Berlin, when I got pregnant with our third child, I knew that I had to do something radical to help me through the 40 days following birth. The two older children were less than 2 and about 3.5. It had been an intense few years already!

Thank god, by that stage I was immersed in my own yoga practice and also in a community of people who also knew and understood the teachings of Kundalini Yoga on the 40 days following birth. They saw the value for themselves of that time and also the value of offering Seva - selfless service. Plus they cared.

So I put out the call to the community for sevadars to come and help us. 
It took some organising, but in the end we had 3 different women at different times come and stay in a friends' flat just down the road which just happened to be empty for that time and look after me. One of these beautiful sevadars, Petra, is in the picture below. 

It felt luxurious. It felt a touch over the top at first. They cooked for me, cleaned, did washing, delivered and picked up the other kids from their kinderladen, made me endless cups of yogi tea (caffeine-less chai) and were generally wonderful. I quickly got over that feeling of indulgence, however, and lay back and enjoyed it. It was snowing and cold outside and to be inside in this bubble, with my baby and family while I healed and rested, breastfed and ate, was incredible. It felt like what I'd needed to do for years. My whole life perhaps. 


By the time the last sevadar left, I felt so full of beans. I felt ready to be a mother of 3. I was excited for it. Not anxious or overwhelmed. I didn't feel alone. I didn't feel exhausted. I felt energetic, balanced, peaceful and joyful. When I finally ventured out into the world with my small caravan of children, people literally commented on how peaceful and calm I seemed. They couldn't understand it. I knew it was because I had been able to touch into a deep well of peace inside of me and I was just still sitting near that well. And that I was able to take the time to find that because of the service of these sevadars.

Time went on and this peacefulness became a little ruffled. Staying there is the challenge. But I will never forget that. And my daughter Sophia's nervous system - her whole being - is imprinted with this deep peace. 

I also know what it is to feel scared, depressed and disconnected as a new mother. That story goes differently. 

When we nourish mothers we are investing in a lot more than just one woman (though that in itself would be enough). Her state imprints the baby. Her sense of herself a mother is forged there. If we don't value the mothers, what kind of society are we? If we won't bring compassion and care there, where will be bring it?

One woman at a time, one baby and family at a time, we can help to bring more peace, more deep security, to our planet


Cycles of Life - everything in its own time

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Saturday, April 20, 2019
   


Cycles of Life ~ everything in its own time

Kundalini Yoga teachings tell us that for the first 3 years of life the baby shares 8 of his or her 10 spiritual bodies with the mother. At 3 the child has their own 10 bodies and is fully separate. It takes a full 3 years for this to happen! And at this time a significant shift in the relationship can be experienced.


Life is understood backwards but is lived forwards.
First time mothers can be forgiven for thinking “Will I be in this cave forever?! Have “i” as I know myself disappeared for good? Is this it now?” 


How could you know that a new phase is coming.. and a new one .. and a new one?
So let me reassure you women in those first 6 intense and intensely self-sacrificing months: it will change, and quite soon.
At around 6 months a reorientation happens.
The first phase of firmly establishing a security and a deep bond and a sense of foundation, messy as it can get, imperfect as it may seem, is as important as it is inevitable.
You’re doing such important work there. 


And meanwhile you yourself are experiencing unprecedented growth in your humanity.
You may feel like you live in a cave or a pressure cooker. That’s necessary. It will pass.
At 6 months your eyes open wider along with your baby’s. The world opens up again with new possibilities. The father role becomes more activated as the baby has the inner security to be ready to open up into the world more.
And at 3 years this intense nurturing, nourishing, foundation-laying time will be finished. And a new cycle will begin.


So take a deep breath.
Feel accomplished. Honour yourself deeply and do and think what sustains and enriches you on the journey.
You are nursing a soul into the world as much as a body and a mind.


“In your caliber there is a consciousness. In that consciousness there is a caring being. In that caring being there is God. That's all I am saying. Look to your vastness. Look to your bigness. Look to your totality. Don't look to the little things.”
Yogi Bhajan




Motherhood - it hurts

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Monday, December 18, 2017


Motherhood is a place in which apparently opposite things live. You love your child so much you would die for them. And, as pointed out by one of the wise women at Mama Baba Yoga today, at other times you are so at the end of your wits you would like to kill them. It’s shocking, right?
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Motherhood is the definition of bittersweet. The sweetness you see in your child is always passing. To be replaced by the next stage of life. You can’t hold on to anything.
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It hurts. It breaks your heart open. .
It’s not true that you should love every moment. Beware of shoulds. It’s in the tension between opposites - the bitter and the sweet - the wonderful and the so so testing, trying moments - that the greatest challenge and therefore growth occurs. So don’t even try to get rid of the tension by pretending to yourself or others. Wisdom comes through recognising that all the rich contradictory nature of the experience can only be held in one place: in the heart.
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Tears crack you open. You are rendered defenseless. Again and again. By love. And all it makes you do.
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This crazy, challenging, awesome, wonderful, heartbreaking, heart-opening life of motherhood.

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