Small Blessings Blog

Me woman you man.

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Friday, May 17, 2013

Serab Ko Gian - the whole knowledge to be a mother is contained in the very seed of a woman.


Recently I was reading some words from the Master of Kundalini Yoga, Yogi Bhajan, to whom I am indebted for the gift of Conscious Pregnancy teachings. It might seem weird that a man should speak such words, but this was not just any man, but a man who said that he was a worshipper of the feminine principle and who never ever lost his dignity and nobility in relation to a woman...

He said that a woman has "washna", meaning a very subtle desire in the subconscious mind, to have a cozy, comfortable, safe and secure home. On a more animal level, if you like, a nest. By nature, said Yogi Bhajan, if left to men, we would all be living from a backpack. All cities, all civilisation, all houses come about because of the subconscious desire of women to have cosy homes. Men's desire to serve this in us has huge and very visible results. We each have something the other wants.


In our modern world, prior to becoming a mother we as women might seem to be more same as our men than different, and yet with this turnaround event, big changes occur. It can take some time to adjust! How do you relate to your own motherhood and motherhood in the making? Can you feel the nobility in it? Can you see the dignity in it? And can you see the dignity and nobility in your man in his own role? The more I live in my own family the more I appreciate the value of recognising, accepting and agreeing to the fundamental differences between me and my husband. Life begins to become a dance between polarities, a wonderful and fun and interesting thing, based on an honouring of the differences between us.

"I am just giving you the psychological differences so that you can basically and truthfully understand your role in relationship with the role of a male. These roles are not the same at all. If it were left to men, you all would be living with a backpack. To have a home, to have protection, to have security, save some money, save some food, all this paraphernalia is the invention of a woman’s subconscious mind. Therefore, it is very correct when they say woman is the axle of human society."

Words from the Master.

40 Days Blessing

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Wednesday, May 08, 2013

In many cultures around the world, there is a tradition of recognizing the first roughly 6 weeks after birth as a time of sanctity and importance. The mother is given support to grow into her new role as nurturer of another being, now on the outside, as well as begin to recover from the great physical feat she has just performed (birth and pregnancy) although establishing a whole new balance and strength can take a fair bit longer. The baby is given a soft, safe space to find its own metaphorical feet, with all its physical systems now having to function independently, its nervous system forming and firming, not to mention the astounding fact of simply being alive on this big planet, connected with others, needing to feel safe and loved and held.


In Kundalini Yoga humanology it is said that in the first 3 days of a baby´s life, he or she learns love and in the first 40 days, a sense of belonging. To this mother, this father, this family and this Earth.


I was very struck, years ago, reading The Forest People by Colin Turnbull, describing how these tribes structures their village life. First comes the womb of the mother, then the expanded circle of the family tent for the first approximately 40 days, and then the further expanded circle of the whole tribe, whose tents are positioned to form a very big circle. And beyond that, out into the the wider circle of the world, always to return… So the person, as they grow, moves into ever-expanding circles, but always held and in a sense of belonging. These are a simple but profoundly happy, secure people.


Our world is clearly not like this, but if we take this principle we might look into finding ways to come closer to creating a space which holds both us as emerging mothers and our babies until we are ready to move out into the world, feeling strong and secure.


Every woman must surely follow her own feeling and possibilities, but consider keeping things very quiet in the first weeks. Some women find it a relief to limit visitors, or at least have visitors who they feel bring in a nurturing presence. The father can be very helpful here, diplomatically arranging visits in the interests of holding a protected space for you and the baby. We say the father is the aura of the family, the protective filter. Sometimes limiting visitors might cause a kind of social tension, but the question is then – what is more important right now? Keeping everyone else happy or making the best of this one-off opportunity to lay the foundations for a secure and happy life together?


Also, the teachings of Kundalini Yoga hold that the baby is contained within the mother's energetic bodies for the first 3 years of life, as the child progressively develops their own and becomes a whole total independent person. In the first 40 days therefore we suggest staying in the same room as your baby as much as you can. This would mean having your baby sleep in the same room as you. This is also helpful as you hear your baby's noises throughout the night, getting to know them and your baby's rhythms. You are there to respond readily so your baby feels safe and secure and that positive attachment between you can develop. This security forms the foundations for the child's sense of inner security throughout its life.


As a new mother, we say, your one main task is to look after your baby. If possible, let yourself be cooked for – nurturing, strengthening, wholesome food. Some women organise a roster within their circle of friends and family - having a meal delivered to you once a day can be of immense relief and emotional as well as physical nourishment. If possible, you could even let someone take over cleaning and washing or even let things go for a while. In our tradition, the person who comes to look after the mother is called Sevadar, or one who serves, and it should be a woman. The key word in this time is REST. REST, REST, REST! From personal experience, if you can truly take time to rest in those first weeks the energy will be there for life beyond. So rest, even more than you might feel is necessary. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Let yourself be looked after as much as you can. Get a massage! 


My invitation is to think of this time as you being like a queen. You certainly have performed an act of creation which required a lot from you on all levels (and will continue to). Let things come to you and let yourself be served. The time will come soon enough for you to step out and take up your new role in the world, walking tall, feeling good, with your secure, well-nurtured, happy baby.


See also Ayurvedic recipes for the 40 days.

Yogi Tea strengthens your nerves and is really delicious.

Practicing Yoga at home

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Click here for the Kundalini Yoga mantras for opening and closing a session, as well as a few tips about practicing at home.

This page will soon provide you with all you need to create your own practice at home, including yoga sets and exercises (hopefully in video format!).

It is a very good thing to come to class regularly. Even better is to take that home with you and find your own rhythm of yoga at home. A few exercises, some conscious breathing, a little meditation here and there... all absolute gold. Gold for you yes, but also for your baby. Your baby will still be living off the profits of this time you spend all the way through her/his life. Time well invested.. :)

Or if your baby is born already.. well, the same can be said. In this Kundalini Yoga tradition we say that mother and baby are one in very significant ways until the baby is aged 3. So our state is their state. Also, just because you are now a mother doesn´t mean you have ceased to be you. You, a woman, are still here! So look after yourself first and all else will follow!

Feedback and questions are welcome, via email.

Eyes Wide Open into Birth

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Wednesday, February 20, 2013

It is said in Kundalini Yoga humanology that in the first 3 days of a baby´s life, he or she learns love. The hormone that governs the uterine surges or rushes (or contractions), oxytocin, is the same hormone present in orgasm. It is a melting, heart-opening love hormone. Just following birth, this hormone is at its highest levels, which is nature´s way of bringing about the falling in love with your baby feeling, creating a deep bond between you which will ensure the baby´s continued health and well-being. The baby is experiencing the effects of oxytocin too and, interestingly, also the father, if he is present.


These moments can´t truly be described until you´ve experienced them for yourself. The best thing is to hold your baby against your skin, ideally skin to skin, so that your baby has the smallest possible move from the warm cozy environment of your womb on its journey out into the world. He or she can then hear your heartbeat and smell you, maybe even look into your eyes. Finally, your baby in your arms! And your baby falls in love with you too!


If you take all this into consideration when thinking about your choices for the birth, it will have an influence. There are times when anaesthetic of some kind during birth, mostly epidural, can be just the thing to help the mother through or in the case of emergency caesarian of course, totally necessary. However, it is good to be aware that an epidural numbs not only the body but also the mind and emotions and may effect your sense of being present and feeling, of falling in love. This is not to say that it is not then possible, but epidural will certainly have an effect on this level.


Also, it is often the case that an epidural slows the action of the uterine surges and so pitocin, or synthetic oxytocin, is given to increase the strength of the surges again. Surges under the influence of pitocin are more painful than natural ones, and some women go into overreaction so that it can happen that there is no or hardly any gap between surges any more. This in turn necessitates the use of increased anaesthetic, then possibly higher pitocin and so on. Under these circumstances, oxytocin is blocked and the natural endorphins do not flow. In this way, many hospital births turn into caesarians, not through any inadequacy of the women herself, but sometimes due to the procedures of hospitals and the misinformation or lack of information available to women.


If after the birth the baby is removed from the mother, the whole experience can be very disempowering and result in the loss of the special oxytocin-fuelled falling in love experience. A medical assessment of "post-natal depression" does not take into account the deep consummation that the experience of birth is for a woman and the grief that she might naturally feel after a disempowering or fundamentally incomplete experience. Interestingly, women do not even have to consciously know exactly what they have missed to know that they have indeed missed something very deep and fundamental and to feel grief, sadness and depression afterwards.


Birth happens in so many ways and each birth is truly unique so this is not to say that there is one ideal way, but it is nonetheless very good to inform yourself before the event and go into the experience with your eyes open. In the end, perfect is an illusion and things are in fact perfect just as they are, however they are, as this baby chose YOU, but women who feel they made conscious choices with eyes open and also had the means to assert their choices in the process feel extremely empowered by birth, their sense of identity and their own potential expanded in a very positive sense.

Ayurvedic recipes for after birth

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The following are special recipes to help you heal and recover strength in the days and weeks following birth.

Ask a friend or your partner to prepare the following dish for you when the baby comes and bring it to you during these very precious first few days.

Childbirth Subjee

This recipe is to be eaten only in the first few days after birth, before the milk proper comes in (after that the onions may upset your baby´s sensitive digestion). It works to repair the uterus and regenerate the nervous system. It also cleanses the body to prepare for milk production.


Take one cup of ginger root and chop it medium fine. Saute this in Ghee (clarified butter) until lightly brown. Add 1 Tbsn turmeric and stir to prevent burning. Add 2 medium chopped onions. Add a few Tbspn water. Cook well.

Add 2 cups yoghurt and simmer about 30 minutes.

You can add 1 Tspn chickpea or other flour to make it thicker. Halve the quantity of flour if using wheat flour.


Eat once a day with rice and yoghurt for the first few days.




You can have this nursing drink prepared for you in larger quantities kept in the fridge to take as you wish.

Special Nursing Drink

To improve the quality of your milk. If you don´t drink cow’s milk, use oat or rice milk.

1 cup of milk

8 - 10 blanched almonds (soaked and peeled)

2 Tbspn ghee (clarified butter)

1 – 2 tspn honey


Blend well. You can warm this drink up to make it even more nurturing, but then add the honey afterwards. Heated honey may release toxins.


Yoga for Better Milk

The exercise "Washing Machine" is also excellent for keeping the many glands that feed into your breasts massaged and free of blockages and the quality of your milk good. It also improves your posture and can relieve shoulder and neck tension.

Sit cross-legged on your bed if it is firm enough or on the floor, with your hands lightly grasping your shoulders, fingers in front, thumbs behind, and your elbows pointing straight out to the side. Experience the opening spread across your chest as well as across your upper back.

Staying tall in your spine, inhale and twist your whole upper body and head to the left. Exhale swing back to the right.

Start at a moderate pace and keep your eyes open. Breathe fully and deeply. Increase the speed and dynamic as you become comfortable with the movement. Close your eyes then, and bring your focus to rest at the brow point, between your eyebrows and a little way in. This is for stimulation of the pituitary and intuition as well as mental stillness and peace.

Continue for 1 to 3 minutes.



The recipes on this page are from the Ayurvedic tradition which has a close connection to Kundalini Yoga though its founder in the West, Yogi Bhajan. The exercise given is also from the tradition of Kundalini Yoga.

Nourishing Yogi Tea Recipe

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Thursday, January 31, 2013

This is a tasty, caffeine free, nurturing tea which is ideal for pregnancy and the time after birth. The spices are lightly stimulating without the negative impact of caffeine, nourishing to the nerves and strengthening to your blood. It is drunk with milk and honey to taste. You can also use oat, rice, almond or soy milk.

After the birth you may like to have a thermos of this tea by your bedside. Every woman is unique so there is no rule as to how much you can drink each day. Be aware that too much honey or spice through the breast milk may upset your baby´s delicate digestive system so keep an eye on it and reduce your intake if in doubt.


1 cup water

3 cloves

4 cardamom pods

4 black peppercorns

½ stick cinnamon

1 slice fresh ginger

½ cup cow´s milk or alternative



Boil spices in water for 10-15 minutes. Add milk (about 1/3 cup) and bring to the boil.

Turn off heat. Add honey to taste.

To make more at a time you can reduce the amount of spices. Eg. for 2 litres of water use 15 cloves, 20 cardamom pods, 20 peppercorns, 3 cinnamon sticks and 5 slices fresh ginger. Boil for 20 to 25 minutes. Add 500mL milk and honey to taste.


This taken recipe from “Foods for Health and Healing – Remedies and Recipes, based on the teachings of Yogi Bhajan”

Lost knowledge about birth..?

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Friday, December 28, 2012

In my pregnancy yoga classes, I sometimes refer to a lady named Ina May Gaskin. She is an American midwife who began her training in the 60s and is still active in this profession. She is a very important figure in midwifery today - a smart, practical, humorous and compassionate person who always used her own observation rather than trusting what she was told.

I refer to what she calls The Sphincter Law - unpleasant name, perhaps! But pointing to a very simple, but crucial physiological reality in birth - namely, a woman´s labour can be slowed, hindered or even go backwards, when she is nervous. The cervix is a sphincter, and, as with another sphincter you can think of, we require a certain privacy and sense of safety in order to let go. When there is any sense of threat or insecurity, the natural opening of the cervix sphincter is hindered (and in some cases even reversed) and the hormone cocktail that gets the baby out is stopped. In its place we have a fight or flight adrenalin reaction.

Implications.....? Think it through. An invitation: to ask yourself - "What would I need, what environment, people around me, internal and external conditions, in order to feel safe enough to let go to give birth to my baby with relative ease and even enjoyment?"

I will let the lady herself speak now, if you would like to hear more: Ina May Gaskin -

Birth Help Positions

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Wednesday, December 19, 2012

 This arrived through Facebook today... good timing, in thinking about birth helpers and how great and supportive they can be. The figures are a bit faceless, literally, but that doesn´t matter!

And then there´s that other faceless but nevertheless totally reliable, ever-present, ever-helpful supporter, named GRAVITY!!! Picture yourself in  some of these positions, and put a deeply calm expression on your own face and loving, attentive (or whatever you feel will help you) expressions on your helpers´ faces while you´re there! Powerful.

Please excuse the sideways presentation. It was the only way to fit it.

How can partners support during birth?

Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Tuesday, December 18, 2012

This Saturday, for the first time, partners are invited to join in with pregnancy yoga, for free. This is exciting, for me at least! My intention is to involve partners in the journey their women have been on, including them in the process, allowing a glimpse into the world that possibly awaits them during the birth, giving a preview of the deep respect they may feel in witnessing the birth process.. and letting them know a bit about how precious their presence may be for their woman in giving birth.

In my mother´s generation, giving birth in Western Australia in the 70s, men were less likely to be privy to the birth process. On the other side of the globe, in America in the 60s, there was a community called The Farm. This is where modern day midwife guru, Ina May Gaskin, learnt her midwifing trade. Hundreds of babies were born on The Farm over the years, under all kinds of conditions (with hardly a Caesarian, by the way). The widwives there became extremely skilled. Sometimes when we think of "homebirth" these days we might associate that with limited medical expertise or skills. These women were skilled up to the eye teeth. Savvy and able in all kinds of situations, from helping a mother birth a baby in transverse or breech position to twins. Very admirable in terms of skill levels and know-how.

Anyway, Ina May Gaskin wrote a book called Spiritual Midwifery, which is full of accounts of births on The Farm and her insights, born from hundreds of births, about the nature of birth and also the significance of relationship to the birth process. Essentially, Ina May works on the premise that the man and woman form a kind of unit during birth. The man can have an extremely positive impact on the birth process, in the way in which he is present. His encouragement and support can be of immense help just as blocks and hiccups ín the relationship can inhibit the flow of the birth. This may sound far-out for some (and indeed, the hippy language of this book is really cute and historically interesting, if you like that stuff!) AND it is also based on direct experience. It is a phenomenologically observed fact, if you like, that subtle things like thoughts and feelings and beliefs have a direct impact on our ability to let go, for example. (And what is birth, but one massive, sometimes very active, letting go?) Body and mind are one. An anxious thought produces an effect in the body, immediately, for example. Just as an encouraging thought produces a physiological effect. This can be observed in your own body and mind very simply.

Actually, what Ina May suggests is that sensuality got the baby in there, now it´s going to get the baby out! This makes me think of nipple stimulation as a method of bringing on the birth. That sounds really mechanical to me, but actually it´s about getting the oxytocin, the love hormone, flowing. This hormone is released through loving, senuous touch. It is present in orgasm, and is also present in babies and small children when we touch them, stroke their skin. It is also known as the molecule of belonging.. but that is the subject of another post!

Anyway, men, partners, you are needed! A presence that is not overbearing, or looking to solve anything (what are you going to solve, really?!), but is just there, in trust and support and love, following this woman and her instincts, impulses and intuitions, because she is the only one who can do it.. Being there, attentively and lovingly. THAT is what makes a difference. A BIG difference.

If you would like to follow up on the book referenced here, again it is Ina May Gaskin, Spiritual Midwifery.

PS I have disabled comments until I work it out better, as I am having some dubious strings of computer generated letters and spam coming in.


Jai Ram Kaur Hergo - Friday, November 30, 2012

There is so much to learn, so much to share. As I go along on this journey of being a woman and a mother, and walking with other women on their own journeys as a yoga teacher for pregnancy and the immediate postnatal time, I am always learning. About the practicalities of pregnancy and birth here in this city and the opportunities to both give your choice away and seize it in both hands. And also about the astounding glory that this journey of becoming a mother offers us - the greatness of all mothers, perfect in all their imperfection. To become a mother is to be touched by a force so much bigger than us that it defies description. To be touched by a love so immense.. it can if you let it transform you on all levels.

I teach a pregnancy class a week and a postnatal class, and in these classes am able to share and invite contemplations on many topics. However, there is always more to share, and also alot of really valuable resources out there which I feel many women would be very happy to get their hands on, including resources which reflect you back towards the biggest resource you have: yourself. So this blog will be a forum to spread out from, offering experiences, view-points to consider, facts, pointers, challenges to your status quo and encouragement. There may be parts that pass you by or parts that speak to you as if directly and very personally, arriving just at the right time. May it serve you, and us, and through us, future generations.

Jo Hergo (Beant Kaur)

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